My immaturity

 I read somewhere that maturity is when you accept change without drama and fights. It said to stop asking why they lost contact with you and that you notice the change and accept it with a smile.

I believe that's utter rubbish. Walking away with a smile is often painful and unnecessarily saint-like. There have been instances where I have done it. Didn't ever make me feel mature just made me wonder where I went wrong. Over and over , stuck in a loop of thinking I'm not good enough.
I feel that as long as you still fight you are finding a normal and human way to channel the fact that you still care and want to maintain that relationship. Not entirely justifying fighting as it never always reaches a solution, but bottling it up and pretending it never happened tends to be worse .
Why do we normalise to deflect our negative emotions with a smile?
Why is that enthroned with a powerful term as maturity?
Why do we overuse the term mature when there is actually no true standard to measure it against?
Say ,who's the most mature person you've met in your life?
Are they happy all the time?
Do they process what they go through?
I believe maturity is when you choose not to stoop down to their level , no matter the amount of disrespect they show towards you, through their words and actions...
Whether its a child being asked to stop a compulsive behaviour and act "mature" or it's an adult relationship which isn't going your way, glorifying that expectation of being mature is unfair. It's belittling. It's painful. It's dismissive. It's anger inducing. It doesn't help to call someone immature. You're comparing them to a standard of pain that you've been through and expect them to behave that exact same way!
So the next time you are struggling to accept something about someone, maybe see your mortal nemesis in them, create a healthy competition or walk away , don't smile.

That ending didn't make sense did it?
NEITHER DOES MATURITY
sincerely
An immature kid
<3

blurry blurtings

BLURRY BLURTINGS

a random thought

amidst the mix of all things mundane

it passes by 

and I entertain it

never been one to resist its temptation

but I guess this one brings that feeling

you know? 

the one where something rises to your throat;

breathing, is it one in, you out?

at that second

nothing adds up

memories feel hazy

I am forced to fight the urge to scream

not because it makes me look weak or crazy

but because it wouldn't make the crippling anxiety vanish.

how can I be shut down

with temporary relief

when everything about the half a year gone by

is etched into my mind

like those sweet engraved gifts

you give to someone you cherish.

somehow the scene shifts

the corner of my lips fights gravity

because it is reminded

of the taste of precious moments

the ones that would make little

to no sense to an outsider

because they look at pain with pity

that's alright

because I know I never did

collect the energy

to paint that portrait

to let the world know the colors I felt.

will it always magically appear though?

will it find its way when I find myself stuck with pain on the loop?

will it show up with your punctuality?

will it make me laugh at the weirdest of lines?

will it stay with me, till my eyes slip into the trance of sleep?

or will it haunt me at times?

be another reminder of what isn't there

a vision of perfect flaws and being in the moment

absorbing all the love there is to have,

fading into a dream 

which I will soon forget the details of?

unless of course 

I keep to my word

immortalize the moments in my poetry

in my words for just me and no one in particular

yeah for now

it feels like my safe haven

my only refuge

the clacking away of the keys

calms my chaos

in ways, I have always believed

only music could.

Beetroots are such arsonists

The sweetest thing about a conversation lies in its randomness. Then there are ones that can't be explained to another human without background, the ones that bring a wide smile to your face, the ones that keep you up at night deep in thought, the ones that have luckily been typed out on text and etched in your heart verbatim. In all these instances, it boils down to just the shared connection and finding new ways to keep it intact.

The unexpectedly beautiful conversations come about when you have the least expectations. When you just take a shot at the other person and hope they catch whatever it is that you're throwing, you might just find something irreplaceable. That's the beauty of references in texting. There's an organised way in which the thoughts flow and the ideas meet to make the prettiest of memories! Of course the autocorrect plays the role of the villain and comes in the way of the words finding a way to your heart, but it'll stay in your mind anyways.

Imagine you are a bucket, waiting for information (water) to be complete. There are many ways for it to get filled. Now, if you're under a giant tap, you get this steady flow of water and that is routine, but once in a while, you'll find a hose that sprays some new perspective into you or a shower that can be moody with its lighter and harsher tones or a mug that teaches you to stay humble and content. There lies a thrill in finding these sources as a mode to fill up with precious water. It's an adventure on its own because you never know what the small little mug has to offer any more than you know what the tall and mighty shower does! 

 "Beetroots are such arsonists," said he, "they go around setting things on fire and blame it on pumpkins!" Here's to strange marketing campaigns and stranger autocorrects that take us places!

Step on your toes!

When you hear these strange quotes about growing up and moving away you tend to cringe, so here I am with your daily dose of cringe. Phone calls and texts are something that I know the value of but never knew of the powers they behold. When I'm down all I need are just a few words of affirmation and endless patience to hear me rant on and on about the same thing while I ask a million times "am I right in thinking so", easy right? Well, some people tolerate it anyways and I'd love to share some of the most random incidents with them that made me smile like the sun came out for me!

One night I get a call from you and you tell me a few features you like about me. I mean, considering the randomness I knew the purpose it served but you don't know how your choice of person made me feel! I was ecstatic and high-pitched as you spoke and just knew that if I was with you we'd have done something even crazier! 

One day you're telling us you're in Goa, only later do we realize that you're HOME! I mean, we've established your craziness but the fact that we kinda believed you, still makes me smile. Of course, the days you went MIA, all because of the geniuses who disconnected your wifi was a whole other scene. I expected that from you and wanted to hug and just give you a dirty look when you sent me your screen time...

One day you tell me people think you're extroverted! I laughed thinking maybe you do have the potential but I didn't have the chance to witness it! Your newfound extrovertedness however led people to think they can take your power bank without asking!? How dare they!

One day you told me you were grounded and the reason sounded totally worth it. Even though there was no proper tea the description of the visit back to our other home and all that you did just made me feel like I was a part of it too. And yes, I always got your back in the forwarding business kiddo :)!

One day I texted you to fill up a form and you helped me out within minutes, with no hesitation! The next I ask you for your perfect clicks and please know my phone lock screen associates itself with your skills and ONLY your skills. The fire and flowers, the skies, and the sunsets just set my mood for the day as I see it to stop that loud alarm! What would I do without you? 

One day you put a message on the group giving a status update on a special someone. We all know of your abilities and rage, but I never knew I could nudge you into doing it from miles away! You know what you did and I just hope the action along with the looks will forever be imprinted on them. Proud of you a little bit extra now!

Until we are within hugging/ pinching/hitting/ annoying distance within each other, I hope this sweet little note will suffice!

When you're stuck with stupid electromagnetics lab reports in Delhi, or running to the rose cafe to hang out with your batchmates, when you're enjoying that chicken biriyani in Hyderabad, or just on your way to getting stuck on some other highway out here, when you're finally getting your Learner's license in Banglore, or trying new fun things and crossing your older limits I'll stand by and hear it all. I'll be there for you and someday hope to make it up for all the calls I miss, for all the texts I reply to late. I'm grateful for it all <3

Lil Red Moon

 We are taught to believe right from when we start learning anything at all. To have faith simply boils down to the idea of the respect we have for some people or even one person, and understanding that they do everything or say everything for a reason. A toddler learns that b comes after a because they are taught the alphabet. Although they don't understand the importance of language at that point, they realize it makes sense much later when they read their first-ever sentence.

A very special human in my life was with me one night when I was probably eleven or twelve. It was a very gullible age, I'll add this as a defense for the rest of the story (although many will tell you I can be just as gullible even now!). The view from the balcony at home was a little special that night. The moon was red, as bright as it could be and that just left my mind very curious. I couldn't help but ask her how that was happening and what she had in store was fascinating to hear and think about. She told me that it was a sign of the aliens invading our Earth. When I asked what would happen after that to us, and our home and family, she said it would stop existing! Of course, to me, it meant that within the night they'd come, separate me from my family and take me away because I couldn't comprehend the "stop existing" aspect of it. I remember losing all control over my emotions ( a fancy way of saying I cried all night) but the sweetest memory I have is waking up the next day and feeling grateful that none of it happened. Maybe the aliens did decide to spare us after hearing my fears and struggle!

I'll never understand the origins of a beautiful lie but I'm glad it exists. It never made sense to me why she chose to scare me then, but now that I've grown I think I do see the thrill of instilling that curiosity and testing how imaginative one can be! It's so amazing to think that those aliens that never showed up are the reason I smile today whenever I think of that night. 

Looking at the Lil red moon tonight and missing you from a city away!

One Way Ticket

I see you've sent a long writeup about various things but what screams to me, what stands out dancing in a dull grey background are those three words. Those three words used to be a nightmare. Those three words are something so strong and hold such power over me. Those three words made me feel so special for a minute but left me crumbling the next.

Now the whole page is a painful reminder of the current situation. You begin with a list from your end and explain that everything that's happening is for your own safety and for everyone else involved. You beautifully apologized for all the inconveniences caused but you don't just stop there. No, you tell me to take proper care and to be safe. Bluntly, you tell me to heal and be responsible lest I pass on the pain of the disease to someone else. You even have the audacity to "suggest" to a lady the importance of punctuality and getting to places early. Of course, if history is our witness you're absolutely right on that part yet somehow I'll view it as you trying to control my day. You attempting to steal away from my precious "me time". I guess you've always had a knack for that!

I'm not gonna lie to you, this page hurts, these endless paragraphs of words hurt, and believe me I'm trying hard to cope with it all. They hurt me because it tells me I'll be leaving something that I've known for a long time. It nudges me to remember that I'm going past the familiar threshold and flying into the unknown. All that was once my everything, will soon be memories I'll look back at and try to keep up with. Sure, there are days when I cry for all that I'm being forced to leave behind, all the good times, all my beautiful memories but they seem to get balanced out with the excitement for something new and different. The hope of finding continuous strength to stick with it or find ways around it. The realization that maybe moving forward is neither the best nor the worst decision, but it's a decision I've made and something I'll have to live through.

 
Those three words that used to be a nightmare are now synonymous with adventure and darling if you've taught me anything, it's that I'm ready for this rollercoaster ride!