One Way Ticket

I see you've sent a long writeup about various things but what screams to me, what stands out dancing in a dull grey background are those three words. Those three words used to be a nightmare. Those three words are something so strong and hold such power over me. Those three words made me feel so special for a minute but left me crumbling the next.

Now the whole page is a painful reminder of the current situation. You begin with a list from your end and explain that everything that's happening is for your own safety and for everyone else involved. You beautifully apologized for all the inconveniences caused but you don't just stop there. No, you tell me to take proper care and to be safe. Bluntly, you tell me to heal and be responsible lest I pass on the pain of the disease to someone else. You even have the audacity to "suggest" to a lady the importance of punctuality and getting to places early. Of course, if history is our witness you're absolutely right on that part yet somehow I'll view it as you trying to control my day. You attempting to steal away from my precious "me time". I guess you've always had a knack for that!

I'm not gonna lie to you, this page hurts, these endless paragraphs of words hurt, and believe me I'm trying hard to cope with it all. They hurt me because it tells me I'll be leaving something that I've known for a long time. It nudges me to remember that I'm going past the familiar threshold and flying into the unknown. All that was once my everything, will soon be memories I'll look back at and try to keep up with. Sure, there are days when I cry for all that I'm being forced to leave behind, all the good times, all my beautiful memories but they seem to get balanced out with the excitement for something new and different. The hope of finding continuous strength to stick with it or find ways around it. The realization that maybe moving forward is neither the best nor the worst decision, but it's a decision I've made and something I'll have to live through.

 
Those three words that used to be a nightmare are now synonymous with adventure and darling if you've taught me anything, it's that I'm ready for this rollercoaster ride!





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lil Red Moon

 We are taught to believe right from when we start learning anything at all. To have faith simply boils down to the idea of the respect we have for some people or even one person, and understanding that they do everything or say everything for a reason. A toddler learns that b comes after a because they are taught the alphabet. Although they don't understand the importance of language at that point, they realize it makes sense much later when they read their first-ever sentence. A very special human in my life was with me one night when I was probably eleven or twelve. It was a very gullible age, I'll add this as a defense for the rest of the story (although many will tell you I can be just as gullible even now!). The view from the balcony at home was a little special that night. The moon was red, as bright as it could be and that just left my mind very curious. I couldn't help but ask her how that was happening and what she had in store was fascinating to hear and think ab
Read more

My immaturity

  I read somewhere that maturity is when you accept change without drama and fights. It said to stop asking why they lost contact with you and that you notice the change and accept it with a smile. I believe that's utter rubbish. Walking away with a smile is often painful and unnecessarily saint-like. There have been instances where I have done it. Didn't ever make me feel mature just made me wonder where I went wrong. Over and over , stuck in a loop of thinking I'm not good enough. I feel that as long as you still fight you are finding a normal and human way to channel the fact that you still care and want to maintain that relationship. Not entirely justifying fighting as it never always reaches a solution, but bottling it up and pretending it never happened tends to be worse . Why do we normalise to deflect our negative emotions with a smile? Why is that enthroned with a powerful term as maturity? Why do we overuse the term mature when there is actually no true standard t
Read more

Through their eyes

Imagine a world wherein your character traits; the good and bad are personified.  These traits are separate individuals who you tend to attract and are willing to spend time with so as to decide whether they are something you want to keep in your life. You are left with the characteristic of judgment and decision. It's quite a mighty task to perform. It's what formulates strategies to deal with the bad ones and strength to not be overdosed with the good ones. It's what helps filter out daily interactions and limit any issues should they arise. The point of personifying them is to make it relatable to the kind of people we interact with and the ones we are close to in life. When they are separate individuals, it's easy to categorize and assign some sort of value. You have an inner circle that can be a healthy mix of whatever qualifies as good and bad for you, your mental and physical health. You take from it what you want and what suits a situation. The harsh reality is
Read more